Mother Passing

My mother's name is Stefanie Michelle BlueEyes. Born in Farmington NM on November 23rd, 1982. She lived a great life, full of plenty of adventures. She lived a beautiful life and finished school at Cibola High School. Later on in her life on March 28, 2003, she had the birth of her first daughter myself, Haiden Gould. Sooner on she had the birth of my younger sister Addison Coriz on October 19, the year of 2008. She always did her best to support us and be the best mother she could be. She struggled here and there but she always found her ways. She was the most generous person you could ever meet. You could hear it in the sound of her voice, the way she presented herself. The kindest-hearted person I ever knew, I look after my mother. Always accepted everyone and their well being as a person. She was always so understanding and knew her way with words. She always encouraged me to do my best, when I had doubt in myself.

Later on in the year 2014. She got sick. At the time, I didn't fully understand what that meant. If it was a short or long time thing. I was only 10 at the time. She was in and out of the hospital constantly, back and forth. We never knew what was really wrong with her, she never explained why. A week before she went into the hospital, we were working on a science project for the science fair. She went out of her way to buy me the stuff I needed and work on it together. I figured she would get better in time to help me finish my science project. A week after so of finishing the project, she started to get really sick to the point of having to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. I was extremely confused and worried about her, but I knew she was strong. She was the strongest woman I knew. I figured she could make it through. A few weeks of her being in the hospital, I never got to visit her, cause I chose not too. I regret that till this day. My sister and my grandma visited her almost every day. Each day they checked on her, the more she was getting ill, to the point of no communication from her and always asleep.

February 27th, I remember sitting in the kitchen and having this feeling like I knew something was wrong. We got a call, it was the hospital. They explained to us that we're gonna have to decide to pull the plug or leave her on life support. That night was probably the worst news of my life. The feeling in my chest where I can literally feel like my heart is crumbling to pieces. Like something was missing. We got the hospital, we rushed to her room. I walked in and I see her still breathing and still sleeping there so still and delicately. I walked up to her bed and asked to be alone with her for my last goodbye. I held her hand and talked to her. I could feel the pain coming from my throat trying not to cry. Telling her that I love her and that I thank her for being the best mother and bringing me into this world. Thanking her for making me the person I am today. I told her that we won the science fair and that I ended up getting 1st place. I knew she could hear me but she couldn't respond back. I couldn't leave her. All I wanted was to hear her voice again.

After I left the room, I knew that was the last time I'll see her again. That night I slept in the waiting room full of worry and low spirited. I woke up the next morning on February 28th, my grandma tells me that my mother passed away that morning. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It felt like everything was silent. She was gone, forever. That moment I was so heartbroken. I felt like life was meaningless. A part of me has left. I wish I could've been able to turn back time to solve the solution. I was upset and angry with her. Wishing that she could have told us what was wrong, we could've helped her get better. I was mad at her for leaving, mad at God for taking her. It wasn't her time to go. I miss her dearly.

Till this day, I wish she could've seen my sister for her first day of school and see how old she has grown to be. The good choices she's making. Wishing she could've been there for my first day of middle school, the first day of high school, etc. I wish I could thank her today for being there for my first word, first walk, the first day of kindergarten, riding a bike, and making me who I am today. I thank her for blessing me with my beautiful little sister Addison. I consider that little girl my responsibility. I'm like her only mother figure. Since my mother isn't here today to give my sister the mother experience my mom gave me, it's my turn to give that to my sister by being there for her and doing everything I can for her. I'm all she has. I wish my mother could be the one to do that for her. My sister didn't really get to know my mother all too much like I did. I thank my mother for many things. Thank you for listening to my story.